Milli and Wiz Real Talk: Uncovering Reality TV Gems

So, as we've made apparent with our first two posts, Wiz and I are both big sports fans. This is among our manlier passions. On the other hand, we also love reality TV, which is, well...not. We have a well-defined slate of reality TV that we watch on a weekly basis. I'm sure at some point we'll cover these shows and make our love for them quite apparent. For now, I'm going to take you on a perilous journey into the dark depths of reality TV. We'll try not to dwell too long on each particular show, because, as is often the case with reality TV, the show and the people on them get sadder the longer and closer you look.

Big Women, Big Love (Lifetime):

This video is probably all you need to know about Big Women, Big Love. This is Kristi, 34, a single mother from Texas. She is finally free of her kids for a weekend, and she wastes no time getting loose. If Kristi isn't on the next season of Dancing with the Stars, I don't know how I'll go on.

Big Women, Big Love follows five curvaceous women who just want to find love. They don't know why they can't find a quality man. Instead, they keep finding men like Matt, who, after asking his date Sabrina some hard-hitting questions like, "Do you like cupcakes?" and "Are you a dominatrix?", decided to woo her with poetry. He'd penned the following soliloquy before the date, and apparently thought that the perfect time to dive into it was after clarifying that his date was a cupcake-crushing, whip-wielding dominatrix. His loss was our gain:

Sabrina

A name that rolls off the tongue like thunder
Ever since that first instant message
You sparkled babe
As we proceeded to email and then text emoticons
My heart was aflutter
For your eyes seemed sapphires
Radiating endlessly as the void recedes
Will it be another forgotten night
Receding, lost
To a marriage, kids
And matching cemetery plots

Shakespeare would be proud.

Big Women, Big Love has big personalities, big laughs, big tears and hopefully for these women, big love.

Friends to Lovers? (BRAVO):

Friends to Lovers? asks the age-old question: can two friends transcend years of friendship and engage in a romantic relationship (hint: the answer is no)?

So, the layout of this show is pretty straightforward. Person A of the friendship has been harboring a crush on the other for the entirety of their friendship, but has kept this to themselves. Person B does not see Person A as a romantic option. So Person A decides that the best way to finally win the heart of their desired is to force Person B to go on dates with them as a Bravo TV crew follows them around. Sounds like the key to a successful relationship.

Anyway, in this show, this guy thinks he's a player:

This guy throws parties for elderly gay men in Palm Springs:

And former boxer Shane Mosley's ex-wife is in it. Shane still lives in the basement, which makes the possibility of going back to her place less likely. But he gives his blessing to the relationship, so it's all cool.

Friends to Lovers? is often so cringe-worthy that I find myself questioning the actual friendships of the involved parties. You may have to strain your eyes to see any romantic fireworks, but these folks are all rounding 30 with few romantic prospects, so I wouldn't be surprised to see a few marriages from this show.

Sexy Beasts (A&E):

So there seems to be a theme here. Reality TV is almost always centered around dating. Everyone seems to be looking for love. Sexy Beasts allows its contestants to do so without the burden of physical attraction, mainly by piling a ton of makeup on its contestants' faces. The makeup is high quality stuff, like what you'd expect to see in a movie production.

In today's episode, Noelle the Bitchy Witch,