Best College Basketball Halftime Shows

Wiz dipped his toes in Memory Lake with his court-storming post, and it convinced me to join him on the Nostalgia Train.


Quick-Change:

I'm convinced the following video is witchcraft. Sure, we can form our own conspiracy theories to explain what is going on in this video. Maybe she has multiple dresses on, and just pulls off the top layer each times. Maybe each progressively smaller changing station is loose at the bottom to conceal her old dresses as they fall to the floor. Those are all good theories. Until the 5:52 mark. There she is in a pink dress. And some glitter falls. And then...WAIT WHAT? SHE'S IN A FREAKING RAINBOW DRESS NOW. ALL THAT HAPPENED WAS GLITTER. WITCHCRAFT! MAGIC! SORCERY!

Maybe one day science will be able to explain the quick-change finale, but for now we will all have to assume it is the result of dark sorcery.




Diaper Derby:

While not technically a halftime show, the Diaper Derby is the pinnacle of competition. Top competitors in the 1-2 year old age group get together to see who is the cream of the crop. My brain tells me I shouldn't be betting on children's racing, but gut tells me that good money is on Courtland in the pink. Courtland is the name of an athlete. I'm all in.

Just sit back and watch that A+ parenting. Pushing your baby in the back and knocking her over seems to be a favorite strategy. Another strategy I noticed involves throwing an object, and sitting there in astonishment as your one year old daughter doesn't go and fetch it like a dog. The third strategy seems to be doing nothing and watching your non-athlete of a one year old sit there and cry. That's not how you groom a winner, Dad.

Courtland makes a rush out of the gate, but gets distracted by the toy her father had thrown to get her to move in the first place. Then it's all Lily all day. She's got her eyes on the prize, which seem to be some sort of Flintstones-style vitamins. I'm disappointed in myself, but I can't be mad at Courtland. Really, this one is on me for not noticing Lily's game face pre-race. Lily. Came. To. Play.

Red Panda:

As I looked into this topic, I came to the sad realization that the Red Panda lady is retiring. She will no longer be touring the country performing at basketball games. In her memory, I offer the following video. It would be a shame for the next generation to grow up without ever witness the GOAT that is the Red Panda.

 

While the Red Panda is usually flawless, I through up a video to show that even the GOAT can have an off day. Performing at a Virginia Tech women's basketball game is the definition of high stakes.