A Bachelorette Featurette: JJ is the Worst

I think we can all agree that JJ sucks. It physically pained me to watch Kaitlyn not realize how much JJ sucks. JJ just has a punchable face, and it was an absolute travesty he wasn't on the boxing group date to get the ass-kicking he so rightfully deserves. Here are the 9 example of JJ just being the worst.

1. "I'm so bummed. So bummed. But at the same time, I'm not worried about it. I'm not concerned about it. I'm still going to get a rose. So, I'm completely unfazed."

Insecure much?



2. "I'm rooting for most of these guys to do something stupid. I want them to go home. And Tony is bringing his own demise, and I'm just trying to help push him out the door."

Tony is the anti-JJ. He's a lover. JJ's a hater. He just can't understand how Tony exists, and he wants him gone.


3. "I feel like I'm kind of a reserved, underspoken kind of guy."

Hey JJ, underspoken isn't a word. You may have been going for understated or soft-spoken. Either way, you swung and you missed.



4. "When I meet girls, my pickup line is: Hi, I'm JJ, divorced with a kid and I live with my parents."

Translation: I'm not great with the ladies.


5."It's the kind of kiss you have with somebody that you have kissed several times."

What the fuck are you going on about? Your first kiss was like a third kiss?  So, like exactly the same but very slightly less magical?


6. "I would put 50 grand on me getting a rose at the rose ceremony."

Well, it's too bad you lost that sweet investment banking gig JJ. And you live with your parents. I just can't imagine you have 50K lying around.


7. "Knowing I have a rose ceremony tomorrow, that I get to just sit there and just watch everyone else suffer and stress out. It's awesome. I love it."

JJ enjoying suffering is the least surprising thing ever. Have you heard his maniacal cackling? Very Ramsey Bolton-esque.


8.  "I'm feeling just smugness wrapped inside of cockiness wrapped inside of confidence."

I'm feeling just loquaciousness wrapped inside of verbosity wrapped inside of long-windedness. See JJ, I can use a thesaurus too.


9. "I know I'm the most hated man in the house. But I'm not sorry."

JJ is going out of his way to be the guy that all the other guys hate. He should really look into how poorly that has gone for contestants in the past. Your future wife doesn't want to marry an asshole who's incapable of making friends.


So, yes. JJ is a little prick (6 feet tall, my ass). Or, as Amy Schumer so perfectly put it, "JJ is a sweetheart. He's just missing charisma, humility and a sense of humor...Maybe when he sees the show he'll reflect upon himself and not be such a turd."